[mood = slightly tired, but EXCITED]
[music = none (holy CRAP)]

SHADOWCRY.NET is up and RUNNING! Woooooooooot!! *bounces* I still have some thing to work out and I have to move my sites over, but the domain's up and has content baby, YEAH! And I get to host Lynnie's comic until keenspace hurries it's ass up. XD *feels proud* Everyone go seeeeee. and I need more hostees. lol. and link me! I need to be popular. *laughs* sorry i had a coke today and you know how that effects me! mwehehehehe... I'll be moving my blog first and it'll have a new layout so expect to have to change your links soon. gratsi! (no time to talk about anything else in life, besides the fact that I ADORE HALLOWEEN)

[mood = worn out]
[music = Heart of Mine - Peter Salett]

Well. As many of you know, I live in Minnesota, and I don't know if any of you pay attention to the news, but our Senator Paul Weelstone died in a plane crash this morning. It's all over the TV stations. Hm. I didn't know him, but this is crazy. My music theory teacher was good friends with him, and I've never seen Doc depressed before. He didn't want to teach, but did anyways. And this great group of cynic, liberal, funny guys I know were all broken to tears. These are the guys who take everything so cynically that you don't see them crying about anything. Frankly I was shocked, I felt so bad. Then we had to evactuate the school 5 minutes before the bell because of a fire or threat or something. Then I had jazz. I came home and slept, then ate, then drove my dad and brother to the video store and Target.

.... *sighs* This day was shit. I mean, how depressing. The TV won't talk about anything else. I feel horrible but it's the same things over and over. I mean, the people close to him can't like having it shoved in their faces every minute can they? *shakes her head* on the bright side, I did get to talk to Whit online, which was nice, considering I thought I wouldn't get to talk to him at all this weekend and didn't get to see him at all today...

Okay, now time talk about my.. other issue. It's rather personal. I don't mind talking about it, but yeah... I had a blood test done last Friday (nearly fainted from the loss of blood - I have no problems with needles or blood) and we got the results back Wednesday. If any guys are reading this, it might be slightly embarrassing, but the two guys I know of who'd read this at ALL, I don't mind telling. Ends up I have something called "Polysystic Ovary Syndrome". Basically it is what it sounds like. I've got multiple systs on my ovaries. It makes my hormones go a little wacko. Symptoms were not having my period since May (I didn't think anything of it, I mean, hey, no period, what could be better?), gaining 30 pounds just last winter, dark body hair (like on my arms and face) etc. It's supposed to be worst in the teen years, and I'm at the beginning of it, so it's okay. But I'll have to get an ultrasound or cat scan. Now, before anyone freaks out, I'm not going to die. It's treatable, but they're not sure how yet. They'll either put me on the pill, give me steroids and depending on how bad it is, maybe even radiation, which I'm not excited about. Radiation makes you so sick. -_-;;; But hopefully, things will work out and I'll just have to go on the pill and that'll help me lose weight and go back to normal. However, they didn't say anything to the idea of if this will effect whether or not I'll be able to have kids and what not. Seeing as how I'm not excited for childbirth, I'm not really worried about that, but you know, it's good info to have and when I'm married etc I will most likely want a kid. *sighs* I've just been a bit down about that and all.

Not to mention I have a speech to write this weekend, and a huge boring book by next Friday. Roar, and I wanted to do stuff this weekend and exercise my right to drive. Oh well... maybe I can go to a movie with Whitty-baby on Sunday once he gets back from his grandma's funeral. Okay, I'm done ranting. Two nights in a row, pretty nice, eh? ta ta!

w00t!!! Guess who is now a lisenced driver baby, YEAH! *sings* Beep beep, beep beep, YEAH! *laughs* I completely bombed parallel parking and screwed up some lane change, but other than that I did pretty good and paaassed. But of course, would mum let me drive by myself to my haircut appointment? Nuuuuu. *imitates* "You still have a lot to learn, Megan, blah blah blah..." But she'll let me drive most of the time, just not into the city or certain places at night. hehehehe.

Yeah yeah, I got a fairly drastic haircut. It was well below my shoulders and now it's just toucing them. Looky, I have visual aids! BEFORE and AFTER. Muhahaha, it's all floofy because the lady dried it, which I never do. You like peeps? I know you do! And I bet it'll look better with me cap too! ^___^

Moo, Whit had to go to Rhode Island for a funeral this weekend and he left this afternoon so i won't get to see him for a whole 3 days. ;_; Oh well. I got to see him after school today so I saw him at the last minute I could. ^_^ "Whitty-baby!" I left a message on his machine telling him I passed my test, so he wouldn't be in suspense when he gets back on Sunday. muhahahaha...

Blah, k, don't have much else to write about at the moment. Toodles!

Hey hey hey, here, Cimmy, I'm BLOGGING already. You HAPPY? Probably not, but blah too bad. XP

I'm feeling better now. I found out that I've got at least an A- in all my classes, which is nice. So I don't really need to stress about grades until I have to do those bazillion papers and speeches for English. And Sarah and I tied for 1st chair in band. I don't mind. We're pretty equal in skill anyways. So no more audition crap until... a couple weeks from now.

And er, as for the friend thing, yeah, I've decided I don't care? I'll be myself and if they don't like me then fuck them. Hehehehe, Trish made up an atheist holiday for me, her, and Whit. So if any of ya are atheist out there celebrate it on November 13th. ^_~ And if anyone wants to flame my comment box for this, go right ahead. I could really use an anger outlet lately. And it'll give me a laugh.

Trish and I hung out at Whit's yesterday afternoon for like 2 hours. He has the COOLEST house. His mom's an artist along with him and his brother so they have all these custom-made decorations everywhere and there are painting in so many places. He's got all the gaming systems, he's got a basement full of entertaining things (pool table etc), He's got a big screen TV and a DVD player, and they even have a freaking MUSIC room. *envy envy* We decided we were going to live there. I told Whit he can have me live in his closet and he can feed me crackers. Then when his parents are gone he can let me out and I'll play videogames all day. Oy. That's how I've always imagined my house. We told Whit we hated him about 20 times when we were over there. Though about 10 of those were not because of the house, but because he kicked our asses in halo. XDDD So much fun.

The three of us are going to a movie tomorrow afternoon after Trish takes me to her rhet class at the U. Sneaking into One Hour Photo I think. And Whit's actually going to play DDR with us! Most of the people we take are too embarrassed to, but he's always wanted to try it. That makes me happy. And we get to hang out at his house a bit more. I'm now debating whether or not i should ask him out. I don't want to screw up the friendship we've started up here and I don't know if he even wants a girlfriend. Oh well. Hmm... I'll probably just ask him if he'd be interested in doing something with just me and if not that's cool. I'm determined to not make him feel awkward around me. *puffs out her chest*

Oh... um most of you probably know, I updated MZ hugely with a new layout etc. Uhhhh.... what else..... I get the rest of this week off because of MEA. Some teacher convention. Hmm hmm hmm.... Oh yeah. Had a band concert on Monday night. PLayed in Jazz II. That went alright, but my fingers just locked up or something and it was hard to play. I think it was either nerves or the fact that I'd played my bass for 3 hours previously in that same day. Go figure. Then we had combo. Nils never showed up for after school rehearsal so I TRIED to explain to Nils the cuts and where the end of the song was right before we went up, but he just blew me off with his usual "just tell me when we get there." Yeah, okay, HOW am I supposed to do that when i'm playing my instrument and then he never looks up at me. Then suddenly Eric decides he's playing with us. >_< He hadn't rehearsed the song at ALL. So Whit and I are a bit nervous. We didn't get lost with the changes at all, and we tried ending at the right time, but Nils kept going, so Eric did to. So of course I quickly jump back in and Whit's got this sort of panicked look on his face as he continues to tickle the ivories. Finally after about the 3rd very obvious look at Nills, he realizes we're supposed to end and winks at me. <_< What a freak. But we ended together and unless you knew what it was supposed to sound like, no one noticed. Whew. I got permission to beat Nils up from Mr. Lindsay after that. Then I had to IMMEDIATELY jump up on stage, grab my bass clarinet and sit down with the concert band. That went fairly well. We did good considering the little amount of practice we had.

So... that's what's been happening in my retarded life. PSAT's this Saturday. Kill me now. XB

[mood = deflated]

Hm. School begins again tomorrow. And finally the depression is back. I was wondering how long it would take before I loathed school to the point of crying when Sunday night comes again. Few weeks is all it lasted. Now it's onto the social stress, unending homework and projects, the band auditions, the waking up early, the satying up till 2 am because of nerves.

I wish I had an on/off switch. I'd either be awake and content, or asleep. I love sleeping. I never want to get up anymore. The covers are so warm now that fall's here. And dreams are so much better anyways. My brother and I are at each other's throats. Instead of helping each other get out of practicing our instruments, we're accusing each other of not doing our homework yet.

On the outside, I seem to be making new friends. But everyday... I dunno. I smile and make jokes and all the while I think "They don't know me... they wouldn't want to know me..." Maybe I just shouldn't get close to anyone. Will Whit even accept me? I think he and I are having some definite chemistry happening.. but maybe that's just my exaggerated wishful thinking? And I don't know if I'd be able to talk to him about things I talked about to... other people. Would he care? I don't know. He's so nice. He'd listen, i'm sure, but would he care. Would he do it because he likes me rather than just being polite? I don't know... oh well. I suppose there's only one way to find out.

IMPORTANT, ONLINE BUDDIES, READ!

Okay, my computer like blew a gasget or something. We have to replace the motherboard and cpu. This is fairly bad news for me. I will still be able to check my mail and blog, and post on boards etc, but not as often, due to the fact that I have to sneak on my parents' PC to do so. I can't install any programs on this PC, so therefore I won't have any instant messengers available for awhile, and I don't have ftp access to update any sites. Not to mention the fact that all my files I'd use to update is on the other PC. So, I don't know how long things will be like this. I might be back tomorrow, it might be a few weeks. Oy. If it ends up being a longer time, I'll miss you all and will try to post in AB and PP or wherever I can contact you. XB It might actually be a small relief because then I can rest from the computer. Do more stuff elsewhere and spend more time on homework (rather than doing it when I go to bed and staying up till 2 am). SO okay! I'll be back ASAP! Till then! Ta ta!